I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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