Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
