There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize