I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just cropdusted the office
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Randomize
