i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
