She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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