Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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