I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
