I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
