she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
