So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
