similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
