weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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