man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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