Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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