I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
