I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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