one word: firstdatebathroomanal
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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