Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
