It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
