I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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