New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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