I think I am morally bankrupt
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
