I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
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Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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