So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
