i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
