having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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