Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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