I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
