Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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