Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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