Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
