They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
