Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
