Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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