I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
