we're blogging at a bar
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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