I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
