he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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