Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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