The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
