So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
