I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
