Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
