yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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