So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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