Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
its not stalking. its research.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
