she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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