The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just found puke in my bra..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
