i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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