My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
