Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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