Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
