i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
