That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
