sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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