Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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