You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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