i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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