Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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