only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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