i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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