I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
