I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
