3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
