My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
