who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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