pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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