I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
