Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
