she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
two words...techno handjob
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
