Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
