I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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