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i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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