Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa