genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.