come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.