I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Use "feeling words"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM