$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
