omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
