I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
