It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize