I am spending my child support on dildos
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
