Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
